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November 18, 2009
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Fuck everything

Journal Entry: Wed Nov 18, 2009, 6:51 AM


God, I really hate life atm. I had this huge arguement with that guy.
Then I felt guilty, and tried to fix everything, which only made everything worse, which made me feel worse.
I've been cutting fuck loads lately, and during sports at school, someone apparently noticed(I had to show some exercise with my arms up).
I told my friend about my cuttingproblem, and now I feel I shoudln't haev told her, because I don't want all this fucking attention.
3 tests of school are pretty low grades. I usually get fcking high grades, that everyone calls me a nerd while I barely learn.
I can't focuss anymore, I've had like a breakdown at school today cuz I couldn't take it anymore, and my friends were giving me too much attention, I couldn't take it.
I just want to kill myself.
When I bike to school, I just want to get in front of a car.
I only don't do it cause a good friend oof my friend killed herself a while ago, and I don't want her to go trough that again. I think I've never felt this bad before. Fuck life.

  • Mood: Depressed
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:iconartzgirl:
oh no! please don't die... the world needs you! someone poetic and kind! Oh, please don't give up hope! Not all is lost!

Maybe you should take to a trusted adult about your suicidal thoughts... this is very serious, if you are feeling this bad.
Reply
:iconxxdeathforyouxx:
~xXDeathForYouXx Nov 21, 2009  Hobbyist General Artist
Hmmh, I'm considering professional help..But it's scary to make the first step. Especially today i'm feeling a little better, but I know soon I'll feel exactly like 2 days ago and the weeks before that again, it's like a circle movement, it never ends >.>
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:iconartzgirl:
I know how u feel... I was semi-depressed last year, but I was already seeing someone, so I didn't have to make the first step- the real challenge was stepping out of it, since I was already so in it. The sooner you make the leap of faith, the better! :hug: you can do it!
Reply
:iconxxdeathforyouxx:
~xXDeathForYouXx Nov 22, 2009  Hobbyist General Artist
Ugh, I guess you're right. It's just really annoying. I get these good and bad days. Yesterday and friday were good days. Today was a good day until few minutes ago. WHen I realised I still love my ex and my parents don't care about me at all.
I just don't get why I would even make the effort in seeing a person, I mean, my family don't care about me, school isn't important, no one really cares about me..So why would I try making myself feel any better?
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:iconartzgirl:
because everyone deserves to live a great life, and if you do make yourself feel better, it can be possible.
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