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I hate my fucking life. Finally my mood got better cuz my christmasgifts were gonna be awesome, I was gonna get 3 Hell Bunny dresses. But guess what, one was out of stock, one's too small, one's too big. Oh joy. I feel like fcking crap! I just want to die. And yeah, it's not just about the dresses. First of all, if my parents would've let me order it earlier, I would've had 3 dresses in size 8, not one in size 6 and one in size 10. I told Justin that I can't get him out of my head, not that I'm in love with him, just that. He was like wtf. Johan asked me out I think, but I'm not even in love with him, though I said I'll think about it, not no. Pieter fcking drives me crazy with acting so fcking happy, while my life is fcking falling apart. I told Nele about my cuttingproblem, but she doesn't help me at all. I want to see someone about my problems, but I never take action, and I'm too afraid to ask my parents, and I mean, they wouldn't care anyway, cause a few weeks ago I had a breakdown at percussion, my sis forced me to go back home and my parents banned me from the computer for two weeks, cause they just thoguht I didn't wanrt to go.
Mum saw a cut yesterday. Fuck that.
I just want to die. I hate this. WHy the hell am I even here anymore?
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Depressed 
en? (die poging is gemeend)
you shouldnt let these feelings take over, coz its destruction leading to more destruction. if something bad happens take a deep breath - say "fuck you" out loud and then just think about how youre going to handle that situation.
I know this might sound harsh but do you really want to off yourself over a couple of dresses? and yeah i do understand that whole thing where someone restricts you from getting something, shits me up the wall, but theres bound to be more on the way. and does it really matter if you get them on Xmas day? i like to think of Xmas as any day that i get a gift from someone, coz i dont get many. i know you were probably looking forward to them for ages too - i know the feeling, the day comes where theyr practically yours, then *pop* theyr gone. and its like all that excitements and energy down the drain.
and boys, fuck boys, theyr no good for you lol. theyll make you feel awesome when youre with them but every moment youre without them youre gonna feel like shit (i know this feeling from chicks - im not gay for those playing at home lol)
but yeah, i dunno where i was going with that. but anyway, i enjoy you being around. i'd be sad if you were no more.
yeah, the dresses will surely be restocked after xmas. it'll just take a bit moar patience is all, which is annoying yes lol, but itll be worth it. they'd be out of stock coz of xmas demand sorta thing. you probably guessed that tho lol, ten points Captain obvious(me)! lol. they might even be cheaper after xmas too. yay for post xmas sales
definately hold onto the good times, even if its something as little as like, a really good feeling sneeze or something (thats a strange thing, but i really like to sneeze o.O lol) and like i dunno if youve been diagnosed with anything but i was diagnosed with severe depression when i was like 15 or something, and over the last 7 years ive just found that the good times are what matters, and the bad times shouldnt be acknowledged really. but if its super massive like a death in the family, feeling like shit is sort of a respect to the dead sorta thing, i would imagine lol.
i have this problem where i trust new friends with info they dont wanna know aye. unless im kidding and its really explicit then they know im joking lol. ive never had a relationship like a proper one so i cant really comment on anything to do with that sadly, i wish i could but if i did it wouldnt be right and its meaning would be null and void. so yeah
Well, I do bottle everything up, and then I just go upstairs, put up some music so my parents don't hear anything and start crying and cutting. Basicly my way of expressing feelings I guess..
so yeah, i'd suggest you try and cut down (ignore that pun) on the cutting, coz its really not good for you.
And well, I guess cutting is always a cry for help, sometimes obvious, sometimes hidden..